Some of the best epiphanies often come about almost by accident. Some Saturdays, getting to Zumba at NINE am is just ridiculously early, so I’ve learned to get my Starbucks caffeine on the way THERE. Once I saw one of the other Zumberanians drink Starbucks DURING class instead of water, and I thought, how smart. (I’m still thinking about taking a smoke break during class)
So, I staggered into class this morning, listening to Flo Rida’s new hit, “Can’t believe it” (THAT’S a whole ‘another blog- hey Dale, can we have that as a cortina at tango?) and I still had my sunglasses on when I realized, “Wow, my eyes feel so much better in here”. This dance class room has two walls of windows to let in “natural light”. Who the hell thought that was a good idea in buildings? There is a good reason we lived in caves for 40,000 years. No one wants to wake up to “natural light”. Hell, that’s why we spend a fortune on blinds, curtains, drapes, mini blinds, shades, window coverings, window tint. No one likes to see that shit. Except architects and painters. Not the drunk ones who paint your walls one color. The drunk crazy Van Gogh ones. So, I did the ENTIRE Zumba Class in my prescription Ray ban shades. Awesome.
I also have some pretty exciting news. The scale has finally moved and I’ve lost……..2 pounds. Of course, to make me feel better, I’m counting that as a loss over the last three months, instead of the last 4 years I’ve been working at it. Now, I know that doesn’t sound like much, but if you break it up into ounces, that works out to a loss of 2 oz a week over the last 16 weeks. So, that’s 104 ounces a year or 6.5 pounds. I will reach my goal weight of a loss of 100 pounds in 15.38 years, or on my deathbed. If it were the 4 years I have really been working on it, it would take 24 years, but then I can count on the death decomposition process to really slim me down towards the end of that.
Or….., I’m gonna die the healthiest fat man in America. Woo hoo.
I think I should write a fitness book.