Men: How Can You Tell The Women You Love Are Upset With You?

You read so many relationship articles about how men in relationships find communicating with women difficult. Or you hear these things from friends or may have said some of these things yourself. I’ve been guilty once or twice (dozen): “I’m not a mind reader”; “She won’t tell me what she’s upset about”: (or) “I’m not even sure she’s upset (or angry). This is promulgated by a variety of joking photos, circulated on Facebook, some like this:

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This stuff just isn’t true. I know we guys don’t talk about this stuff like the girls do, nor do we try to guide the younger generation of men like our sisters do their younger peers. This all occurred to me a couple of weeks ago when a female friend said to me “and if you blog about this, I’ll kill you.” There was a millisecond later when my male brain said, “I wonder if she has issues with my blog?”, and as I busted out laughing, I thought, “No, that was pretty damn clear.” However, since the event at the time had no humor in it, AND, since I have no interest in the witness protection program, I thought I’d write about this topic instead.

So, here’s MY guide to just SOME relationship statements or cues or clues women state, make or do which are relatively clear they are, in fact, upset with you.

1. They say: “You are a(n) ‘blank’-hole!!!” The ‘blank’. Will be an orifice of the body and will normally be, in my experience, one which is below the belt. If you’re still insure, when you hear it, it should Normally be something which should be bleeped on network TV, not appropriate in church, or coming out of your Mother’s mouth. Unless, of course, your mother is telling you this, in which case, you have bigger problems then I can help you with here.

2. They say, ” You are a ‘blank’-bag”!!!” I understand this is somewhat regional, cultural, ethnic and possibly racial. Some favorites I’m familiar with are dirt and douche. Please add your own. Again, if you get confused and are wondering if a particular version could be a term of endearment, as in, “oh, honey, you’re a Louis Vuitton bag”, see number 1 above.

3. They say, “I’m going to KILL you””. This is never said in jest or exaggeration by a woman. Not like “I’m going on a diet tomorrow”, or “I have too many shoes and am swearing off shoe shopping”. No, not like THAT kind of exaggeration. When they threaten to kill you, they are definitely PEEVED.

4. They say, “I HATE you!!!” This is especially clear, I think, if their eyes are blood red, the veins are popping out on their neck and white foam is coming out of the corners of their mouth. Bonus point suggestion: this is not a good time to say, “what did I do?”

5. This is a picture of a woman cutting vegetables:

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These are two pictures of hand holds for someone holding a knife who is going to STAB YOU: know the difference.

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6. She cuts off your penis. Any of you young men under the age of 25 weren’t even born when Lorena, claiming to be reacting to an abusive husband, grabbed an 8 in kitchen knife and sliced off his penis. My only point to make here is that her communication was very clear and unequivocal. In case anyone older was wondering how she was doing, here’s and update on dear Lorena. (Someone actually married her after).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2616197/Lorena-Bobbitt-speaks-21-years-sliced-husbands-penis-reveals-incident-didnt-hurt-dating-life.html

May favorite quote from her in this article: “She says the night was ‘a blur’.” I’m sorry, going out with your friends, having too many tequila shots and peeing in the yard is a “blur”, slicing off your husbands penis with an 8 inch kitchen knife is a “Washington-D.C.-Fourth-of-July-fireworks-anger -management -issue psychotic break.

7. You come home and all your clothes are on the front steps/lawn/driveway/street. On fire. Under a large pile of dog excrement. And you don’t have any pets.

Any who, these are just a few that immediately jumped to mind.. I’m sure, with this little nudge, many from your own and your friends personal experiences will jump to mind also. I just think it’s time to give women credit for being the clear communicators they are.

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