Anyone who is a regular yoga class attendee, or even taken a few classes is familiar with yoga speak. “Drop your shoulders”, “rotate your thighs inward”, “balance on the four corners of your feet”, “pull your shoulders (blades), down your back” , “pull your lower belly up and in”. Some, like “drop your chin to your chest” are simple enough. Some like “rotate your thighs inward” are meaningless to me but I’m not sure if that’s because I just can’t do them, or if they’re just truly meaningless it I accept them like a warm smooth story about Santa. I know he’s not showing up, but I can like the story anyway.
After 7 years, I’ve heard what has now become my number one favorite. I was in yoga class the other day, with one of my favorite instructors whose musings during class sound like Kahil Gibran singing with Simon and Garfunkle when she asked us, sitting cross-legged on the floor, to bend forward, extend both hands on the finger tips directly in front of us, and “creep ourselves out.” I think she meant stretch a little farther, but the first image that popped into my mind was me, outside of my condo late at night, peering in the window at myself, and “creeping myself out”.
I immediately busted out laughing and another yoga instructor, who was attending class and sitting on the mat next to me, also busted out laughing, so I took solace in knowing I was not the only one who thought this instruction bizarre, but wildly entertaining.
I admit I spent the remainder of class in a “creep yourself out” meditation, so I thought I’d share some of the ideas I have for creeping yourself out, as you may have some awesome ideas as well.
1. Follow yourself, and call, text and e-mail yourself dozens of times in a day. The “stalk yourself”.
2. Make kinda creepy sexual innuendos to your self. “Pervert yourself”
3. Relate to a SUBSTANTIALLY younger part of yourself, and ask yourself out on a date. “Lecher yourself”
4. Catch yourself staring at your own butt for the entire class. “Voyeur yourself”.
5. Spend the entire class talking to yourself, about yourself, including all you past failed relationships. “First date yourself- from hell.
6. Demand to know where you are and who you’re with, from yourself at all times, down to the minute. “Abuse yourself”
Oops, class is almost over, back to the real world. My last fantasy was imagining if one know famous TV SHOW, could have incorpatedmthis meme in their wonderful “treat yourself” vignettes. Watch this video, and imagine a slew of “creep yourself” segments.