“Coronavirus COVID-19 Readiness”

Have you been inundated the last week with e mails from every business or office you’ve done business with letting you know, in the most sincere tones, all that they’re doing to keep you safe and protected?

“Here at Gary’s Groceries, we’re following all CDC recommendations. Because all employees are either wiping down surfaces or repetitively hand washing there are no employees available for check out. Hopefully, getting your 9 packages of toilet paper home is not urgent. (If you need 9 packages of toilet paper this afternoon, Covid 19 is the least of your worries

Ok, so the first few from my grocers, doctors, and favorite restaurant were appreciated, even if they contained zero useful information. But, today, I started getting the from companies who’s possible connection to covid 19 is between tenuous and non existent. Clearly, someone in marketing woke up and like an over excited dog salivating at the site of a squirrel outside the window said, “WOW- a legitimate excuse to spam anyone who’s on our mailing list!”

This is an exact quote but I have changed the name of the company in a refusal to give them any name recognition. “As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to impact people around the world and more specifically, here in the USA, we want you to know that Gagagig is here to service your digital forensic needs with the highest level of security and availability with secure, remote-based technologies like RemoteStreem. “. Admittedly, this caught my attention. Wait, what? What does covid19 readiness have to do with “digital forensic needs”. Is the information I’m trying to forensically discover going to get sick?

“At Gagagig, we have always recognized the potential risks associated with service interruptions due to adverse events, such as the current COVID-19 situation affecting our customer obligations. Being able to respond quickly to rapidly evolving situations such as this pandemic, while maintaining uninterrupted service is part of the Gagagig ethos. We currently leverage a range of best-of-breed technologies and out of an abundance of caution during COVID-19, we propose the use of RemoteStreem.”

Ok, so who was in the room when ya’ll we’re naming your chief product? I guess “EasyDribble” and “DataPotty Training” didn’t make the cut for some reason? I think I’m going to start referring to my urological out-put as I age as “RemoteStreem”. Anyway, to save you from the rest of this BS e mail, the sales pitch somehow relates to recent travel restrictions and their thing has something to do with remote data acquisition. I hope Gagagig knows that if I ever needed their service, I’d buy it from someone else. If I get a Covid 19 readiness e mail from the Girl Scout Cookies I’m going to be very sad, indeed