((6th in this series, to read all or parts of 1-5, enter ”(FPO Food Parole Officer) ” in the search function at the top of this blog page))
Her: How’s things?
Me: Fine. I backslid and gained 4 lbs between my birthday and Labor Day.
Her: Why do you think that is?
Me: Hi, name is Lawrence and I’m a cheese addict. I lost a relationship over a block of Stilton. Danish blue is also really good. And NY extra sharp cheddar. From Vermont. With crackers
Her: Could you give up the crackers?
Her: and maybe substitute some better choice. Like a date?!
Me: Love a date. Do you have any friends with Daddy Issues?
Her: No, i meant a dried date
Me: My idea sounds better.
Later that appointment I was explaining how a friend of mine had asked, 3 times, for a class on making my families century old italian meatball recipe so her “class” happened to fall on Labor day. As we were having our meatball sandwich on soft french bread topped with mozzarella cheese warmed under the broiler, my friend asked, “what would your FPO say?” “Shes having a mini stroke right now and doesn’t know why”, I replied.
My FPO: “I. wondered why I felt ill on Monday. You know, i made meatballs once with lentils. And some other stuff.
<giving her same look I gave my parents upon finding out Santa rally wasn’t coming by the house> “You cant be serious, are you? They’ll take mt Italian card. And just tear it up. You’re messing with over 100 years of tradition.”
I’m a little worried how much more of me she can take. I don’t know how I’m doing at improving my plant based diet but my comedy/bribery skills are definitely improving.