Humor Weight Loss

“Fatty” Liver Disease (REALLY?)

Had my first appointment today with my new primary care doc. I saw my prior primary care doc for 35 years. The new doc is beyond terrific. Unbeknownst to me, a calcium screening cat scan I had a year ago for potential heart disease revealed some Fatty Liver disease.

Fatty liver disease means you have extra fat in your liver. You might hear your doctor call it “hepatic steatosis.” As someone who might have been called “Fatty” in elementary school, my first reaction is that this terminology is SO NOT 2022. It’s kinda hurtful you know? I mean there are so many other options we could switch to that would be less hurtful I have some suggestions, maybe you have some others.

How about: Brisket Liver? Pork Butt Liver? Bacon Liver? Butter Liver? Pate Liver? Fois Grois Liver? Duck Breast Liver? Goose Liver? Bone Marrow Liver? Donut Liver? Pecan Pie Liver? (Ok, maybe I’m a little food obsessed)

I’d just be less embarrassed to bring it up. “How was the new doc/ Did you like her?” I replied, “Loved her!! Took a lot of time with me. Super smart. Thorough. Extremely well run practice.” “Oh Great, what did she say”. Me: “I’m in good shape, need to keep losing weight and need 150 minutes of cardio a week. Oh, and I have brisket liver”. Them: “Oh wow, love brisket!! My favorite is the one at Lewis’s downtown.” I mean, where is the shame in “brisket liver”? Just saying. I feel like I should lower my head and stare at the ground and mumble, “Fatty liver” when I have to say so.

Or maybe: Dad Bod Liver? Curvy Liver? Plus Size Liver? Ample Liver? Generous Liver? Big and Tall liver? “Double wide liver”.

To further prove my point, here are some synonyms for “fatty” from “Blubbery, lardy, suety, lardaceous (who know THAT was a word?) unctuous, and greasy. Point proved. But also, “rich”- hence my food choices.

“What did doc say?”. “I have blubbery liver”. No. Just no. Words matter. I’d like this new disease to get a little more respect.

I mean we don’t call antibiotic resistant infections “body rot” , or STD’s “Sex suffering”, or “coitus chastisement”; or Irritable Bowel Syndrome “firehouse flatulence”!

According to Web MD, if you’re obese, or have metabolic syndrome, or have insulin resistance, or are genetically disposed, or are older, or another dozen reasons. Somehow, just reading obese people are more likely to have fatty liver illustrates the injustice. It should be either “Fatty old people are more like to have fatty liver” or “obese people are more likely to have obese liver”. Really. I think I’m going to go with Dad Bod Liver. Women like those.

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