Categories
Humor Weight Loss

“Fatty” Liver Disease (REALLY?)

Had my first appointment today with my new primary care doc. I saw my prior primary care doc for 35 years. The new doc is beyond terrific. Unbeknownst to me, a calcium screening cat scan I had a year ago for potential heart disease revealed some Fatty Liver disease. “Fatty liver disease means you have extra […]

Categories
Humor

Please Listen Carefully As Our Menu Items Have Changed

“Hello, welcome to your… (bank, cable company, cell phone provider, credit card company, doctors office, hospital, hair salon, gym, nursery, car repair or any other company you deal with who has the money to avoid paying actual human beings to help us provide a service)” Your call is very important to us, as we definitely […]

Categories
Humor

My Registered Dietitian is Poisoning the Minds of Friends and Family.

My oldest brother and sister in law are the best gift givers. Where I live, the south is a wasteland bereft of Italian pastries. Occasionally, you might stumble across a really good cannoli but otherwise, fuggedaboutit. One year, early in December, a box arrives in which sits a cooler. Inside the cooler is a cornucopia […]

Categories
Humor

Happy “Registered Dietitian’s Worst Nightmare Holiday” Thanksgiving (Episode 8)

As I was pulling this first time attempt out of my oven this morning, I thought again what a minefield the next thirty days or so are for me, or anyone trying to eat healthy(ier). Then I thought what the next thirty days really are, is a nightmare for my registered dietitian. (My Food Parole […]

Categories
Humor

Please Don’t Eat Your Realtor

I woke up to this on Facebook today. I had recently gotten an invite to this group and although I consider myself a meat eating vegetarian, joined because I thought it might help me with my plant based eating conversion. And then I saw this. It took a long time to stop laughing. It does […]

Categories
Humor

Translating Dietitian-ese

Registered dietitians have their own language. Easier than Russian, harder than Spanish. Here’s some handy phrases you’ll find helpful: “Sugar (oil, butter, etc) is calorically dense and nutritionally light”: Translation: “OMG, OMG, OMG DON’T EAT THAT Spit it out. Spit it out. Spit it out!!! “You know, studies show bacon and processed meats increase the […]

Categories
Humor

Reply To An Email Scammer

Here’s the e mail I just received. I’m sure some of you have received one just like it. McAfee Hi, Sir/madam, We Hope Your Business Is Going Well. Thank You for Using Mcafee. So, We Would Like to Tell You with A keen Sense. That Your Subscription Will be Expire Soon Your next subscription is […]

Categories
Humor

Party Levels

“Who are you and how have you remained passed out and unnoticed in my spare bedroom for 36 hours?” Party Level FIVE! Despite living in a small condo, I have a decent size deck off the back and it’s a great party spot to host a party of 8-12 and my friends honor me by […]

Categories
Humor

Confessions of a Plant Serial Killer

With age, comes wisdom and I’ve learned to accept I’m a Plant serial killer. I started thinking this might be true when I tried taking up bonsai as a hobby a decade ago. First trip to Lowe’s. Prepare soil, drainage, plant, trim dead. second trip to Lowes. Prepare soil, drainage, plant, trim…dead. Third trip to […]

Categories
Humor

Updates from Meetings with the FPO (FPO Food Parole Officer)  Part 5

(If you’re new, Yes, this is the 5th in a series, but they all have different titles and there are two “Part Ii’s”. If you like puzzles, you’re off! If not Best clue- Part one is on August 11 2020) My Registered Dietitian, or my Food Parole Officer, or FPO, said, How about try a […]