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Humor

Please Listen Carefully As Our Menu Items Have Changed

“Hello, welcome to your… (bank, cable company, cell phone provider, credit card company, doctors office, hospital, hair salon, gym, nursery, car repair or any other company you deal with who has the money to avoid paying actual human beings to help us provide a service)” Your call is very important to us, as we definitely […]

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Humor

My Registered Dietitian is Poisoning the Minds of Friends and Family.

My oldest brother and sister in law are the best gift givers. Where I live, the south is a wasteland bereft of Italian pastries. Occasionally, you might stumble across a really good cannoli but otherwise, fuggedaboutit. One year, early in December, a box arrives in which sits a cooler. Inside the cooler is a cornucopia […]

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Humor

Happy “Registered Dietitian’s Worst Nightmare Holiday” Thanksgiving (Episode 8)

As I was pulling this first time attempt out of my oven this morning, I thought again what a minefield the next thirty days or so are for me, or anyone trying to eat healthy(ier). Then I thought what the next thirty days really are, is a nightmare for my registered dietitian. (My Food Parole […]

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Humor

Please Don’t Eat Your Realtor

I woke up to this on Facebook today. I had recently gotten an invite to this group and although I consider myself a meat eating vegetarian, joined because I thought it might help me with my plant based eating conversion. And then I saw this. It took a long time to stop laughing. It does […]

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Humor

Translating Dietitian-ese

Registered dietitians have their own language. Easier than Russian, harder than Spanish. Here’s some handy phrases you’ll find helpful: “Sugar (oil, butter, etc) is calorically dense and nutritionally light”: Translation: “OMG, OMG, OMG DON’T EAT THAT Spit it out. Spit it out. Spit it out!!! “You know, studies show bacon and processed meats increase the […]