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Humor Zumba

Zumba and the Aftermath of Las Vegas

I backed into a car this morning on the way to Zumba. At 8:30 am. In the drivethru. At Starbucks. “Why did you back up”, you ask? That’s what she said, when she got out of her car, but in quite a more hostile tone.

Some answers which immediately raced through my mind were:
1 “I was in a hurry, and thought I could get my coffee faster if I went though the line in reverse.”
2. “You looked a little testy to me and I wanted to poke the bear”
3. “I just put a deposit down on a new lexus and I wanted to see if those low speed crashworthiness ratings were REALLY accurate”
4. “I thought if you STARTED your day with a little fender bender, your husband was much more likely to get lucky tonight, and he’d thank me

I picked silence. See, I just got off a plane from 4 days in Las Vegas Wenesday night at midnight and I am still officially in “Las Vegas Recovery Mode”. Ok, so here’s what really happened (not that I’m gonna sound ANY less stupid by being honest, but hey, I have to admit, my own idiocy amazes even me sometimes,

So I was running a little late this morning due to the Las Vegas jet lag, hang over, time change, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” thing when I got to stsrbucks for my Zumba coffee. Was sitting in line when I looked at the clock and saw it was 8:45 and realized the line was long enough, if I waited for coffee, I’d be late for class. At this drive through, which is connected to a “tire King” (I know, don’t ask, I’ve wondered myself if a hazardous chemical factory wasn’t available for them to connect to) there is room for the drive through line, and one “pass thru line” between the cars waiting, and a few diagonal parking spaces for folks to go inside to get coffee or lubed. I was thinking about backing out and leaving when a women pulled up next to me and decided she couldn’t squeeze thru because the 4 feet on either side of her car and the one in front of me and the parked car next to her was not an adequate target zone to squeeze her car. I looked in the rear view mirror and there was no one behind me. Miss “I can’t drive a car down the idle of an airport runway” was still parked next to me. Still no one behind me. I’m mentally writing my blog on southern driving tips for immigrant drivers from elsewhere (those blinker things are like holiday lights, the left lane is for tourism and turning left at your ultimate designation anywhere within 200 miles, etc) when she FINALLY moves. My Italian road rage is in full hung over bloom when I take one more look in the rear view mirror, slam it in reverse and KABLAM!!!!

……So, I get back in the car wondering just how DID I miss that big ASS LUXUS sitting behind me in line when I looked THREE TIMES. so I look again and see my rear window is completely and totally fogged over. Like by brain. So, I actually couldn’t see AVYTHING. OMG. This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Well, ok, portably not. There was Gilbert’s golf clubs and fishing poles. (Please, Gilbert, don’t tell those stories). In fact, I rely on my GOOD friends NOT to tell those stories.

There is an upside to all of this. At 8:45. You have enough time to have a wreck, exchange insurance informations, drivers licenses, take car pictures, and STILL get to Zumba Class on time. (so, I could have gotten my coffee after all) 2. I had her laughing by the time we left. (Pretty good for 10 minutes considering she was a little testy when she got out of the car). 3. After a 4 day bender in Vegas, the detox from yoga class the FIRST day back AND from ZUMBA class the THIRD day back gives you a rebuzz. Dale says this is called “tequila sweat” in the industry. I have not seen this benefit of exercising while hungover anywhere, and I can confirm it is a unique and mellow high that the exercise community should promote with more enthusiasm. So, if you’re finding your motivation for your exercise regimen waning, try your next class, run, gym workout hungover.

“We all live in a Yellow Submarine”.

Categories
Humor Zumba

Zumba Class 7 and A Hangover

Sometimes a title is worth a 1000 words isn’t it?  You are already laughing, aren’t you?  I know you are.  Hell, I could just stop right here.  Because,  you immediately flashed back to a time when, in a an exercise  (pardon the pun) of extremely poor judgment, you got up one morning after a spectacular bender and went off to exercise.  Or at the proverbial convention, had an 9 am tee time, after getting in from drinking all night at 5 am.

My college roommate, Vince, was a tall, slender, athletic guy with piercing blue eyes and the longest blackest eyelashes you’ve ever seen.  Every woman who every saw, met or walked by him said, “you have beautiful eyes”, or “I love your eyelashes”, or “I’d kill for your eyelashes” or “OMG, your eyes”, or you get the idea.  I was jealous for about two weeks,  then I could see it could really be annoying to be that good-looking.  We saw each other a few months ago for the first time in 30 years.  He was here to see a client of a company he’s CEO for in California.  We meet at Big Billy’s burger joint.  We sat down, the waitress came up and said, “OMG, you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen”.  I digress.  So, we’d stay out drinking till 3 am, and he’d get up at 8 am to play basketball.  When he got back, whatever time that was, I’d still be asleep.  He’d suggest I get up, which I pointed out was not a good idea.  I preferred not to see daylight on the weekends.  I liked to get up AFTER the sun went down.  We’d make breakfast for supper and then go back out drinking.  I found it easier to stay up all night drinking that way.  Exercise in the morning after drinking seems counterproductive.

I went to Zumba this morning with the hangover anyway.  It actually wasn’t so bad.  It was like coming to after surgery while your still “enjoying” the effects of the anesthesia.  And, while I would never say “I’m getting the hang of this Zumba thing,  I think the Pavlov effect is starting to work.

Now I’m limited in actually talking about musical selections because the two times I’ve actually talked about a particular song, (and they were my two favorites) Dale immediately took them out of her playlist.  I thought the first time was just her changing things up, but the second time I had some major “mother issues PTSD”.  I’m gonna sneak my phone in there and Shazam some of the songs I hate and blog about one of those and see if it gets canned.

The first thing I noticed today was my feet.  Last week, my spectacular Goddess of a daughter Rachel said she was having trouble finding me something for Father’s day.  (because I have everything I want and need and because I am, generally a PITA – Pain In the Ass).  At first I said the standard, “nice card”, but then, I thought about how bad my feet hurt last week, so  I said I needed Zumba shoes, but was too lazy to do the research so if she’d find what shoes I should get, I’d to buy them.  Which she did, and I did.

image

FYI – “The foot and ankle contain:

None of which apparently, get worked out when you are sitting in a recliner,  so despite the plethora of geometric shapes on the bottom of these trainers, most of which I haven’t seen since tenth grade geometry, my feet still hurt like hell today.  While I’m neither a podiatrist nor a orthopedist, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess it’s not because I have the wrong shoes for lateral movement, but it’s because Zumba is working at least 84 foot muscles that probably have not been exercised since I was 8 months old.  (Oh, my feet just piped in and said, “Oh yeah, and you’re a fat ass”)

Named another step today – you step/run in place while doing jumping jacks just as fast as you possibly can with your upper arms PINNED TO YOUR SIDES.  I call this “Sorority Girl at rock concert college football game needs to pee really really bad but line at girls bathroom is 100 yards long”.

“We all live in a Yellow Submarine”