Humor Zumba

Zumba Class No…… Hell, I’ve Lost Count

Last Wednesday, it was time to go to Zumba class and I was actually feeling good about it. I should have known this was my first bad sign. I was thinking I was feeling more comfortable with the music, the choreography, a little less humiliated, a little more confident in my ability to get through 55 minutes without cardiac or respiratory arrest. What was I thinking? My good friend, Gilbert, in Walteboro, taught me years ago, the light at the end of the tunnel is usually a train.

So, I saunter in, feelin all frisky for myself, and all rarin to go, and Dale starts class as she always does, by cranking up the first song, which goes fine. Then, the second song starts and I’ve never heard this song, but I think Ok, she’s really good at managing her playlist weekly, keep things fresh; don’t want folks to get bored. I get it. And of course, new song, new choreography. Except everyone else already knows it. Dammit. So, this must not be new. Good times.

Then the next song is new, too. Ok, I think, she’s screwing with me. I get through that song, then then next song is the last straw. I can’t even tell you what the damn song is or was (even though she’s played it for the last three classes) BECAUSE the choreography is Indian dancing (and that would be from INDIA) from the waist up and Irish River Dancing from the waist down. Uh Huh. Having trouble picturing that? Here’s what that looks like….

indian dance top river dance bottom

Now, if you still don’t get it, just take a break, get up from your comfy chair, do that crazy ass prayer hands thing, (with your arms moving constantly of course) and at the same time hop from foot to foot as if you were being attacked by an army of rats high on pot and the only thing between them and a spilled 55 gallon drum of M & M’s was you.

Oh, yeah, I confronted her after class. She had some mamby pamby excuse about having to change playlist to recycle older songs cause otherwise she got bored, doing 49 classes of the same thing every week. Likely excuse. I know she was screwing with me.

What could possibly be next? Lower half, Russian Cossack dancing?

russian cossack dancing

Upper half belly dancing?


russsian cossack levitating


Zumba and the Mt Pleasant Senior Center

Dale, the Norse Goddess of Zumba and Tango, suggested I sign up for the Mt Pleasant (Yes, I live in a place called “Mt Pleasant”. Apparently in the 1700’s “Mt Quiver” didn’t get past the Puritans) Senior Center so I could take her Zumba Class Monday through Friday from 8  am to 9 am.  Now, those of you that know me know that is NOT happening on a regular basis, but I did think I could manage that once, maybe even twice a week.  Ok, once a week, so I went by to check it out.  Holy shit, its the Taj Mahal of facilities!  So I went by this week to sign up.  It’s only a $100 for the year.

I took a tour after signing up.  Nice fitness, music, arts and crafts room, café, kinda what you would expect.  Nice lady at the  front desk, ( who, by the way, took my membership application which I printed off as an Adobe PDF and filled out in pen and she then keyed in completely on the computer, because after spending 1.25 million on this senior center, nobody knows how to create a fill in the blank PDF form) gave me a sheet on their classes and events, which had the usual bingo, mahjongg, cribbage, canasta, arts and crafts, yoga, blah, blah blah, when it struck me!

My brothers, who are 10 years older, and in their mid 60’s came of age in the 1960’s.  In another decade, almost all seniors will have come of age in the 60’s or LATER.  We obviously need to update the offerings in senior centers for this new group.  if they expect these Senior Centers to continue to be so busy, they need to cater to the cultural expectations of the age group from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s.   I have some ideas.  Maybe you have some suggestions of your own.

1.  Marijuana Varietals –  its not just you plain old Sinsemilla anymore!  Planning a trip to Amsterdam, Washington State, or Colorado?  know the difference between ogkush, granddaddypurple, bludream, jackherer, chemdawg, strawberrycough, purpleblueberry, girlscoutcookies, dutchtreat, sonomacoma BEFORE YOU TRAVEL!  Don’t go unprepared. Also, this is prerequisite for the advanced classes in wine pairings and pot; and prescription drugs and pot.

2.  Kama Sutra Seniors –  Topics to be covered include – “Arthritis – yes you CAN!!!”,  “Sometimes Parkinsons is a GOOD thing”,  and we share one outing with “Love may not be free anymore, but its pretty reasonable on the internet” class

3.  Prescription Potluck and Exchange –  Part class, part social event, why not learn while having fun and making new friends.  Bring your favorite Prescription drugs for recreational use.  (However, bring the rest too, because what doesn’t give a side effect for you, might be awesome for someone else, or slammin when mixed with the right drug)  With guest lecturers on recreational usages, best combos.   (Waivers required for this class)  Also,  alcohol may intensify the effect of the drugs, so cocktails will be served.

4.  Motorized mobility frisbee –  Bring you motorized wheelchair, scooter, etc plus a cooler of beer for a fun time of outdoor Frisbee golf.  We don’t keep score, but like the 70’s its all about fresh air and getting drunk.

6.  Succession Planning for Dying Rockers:   Fighting a little depression about your fav rock band dying soon?  Wanting to find a suitable replacement to take their place?  Come to the music room on Friday nights and we’ll help you find a replacement for your favorite rock and roll, heavy metal, blues, beach band, soul, you name it.  So when the Stones finally die, you’ll be ready.

Cant WAIT to take a Zumba class here.

“We all live in a yellow submarine”