Humor Zumba

Zumba and the Aftermath of Las Vegas

I backed into a car this morning on the way to Zumba. At 8:30 am. In the drivethru. At Starbucks. “Why did you back up”, you ask? That’s what she said, when she got out of her car, but in quite a more hostile tone.

Some answers which immediately raced through my mind were:
1 “I was in a hurry, and thought I could get my coffee faster if I went though the line in reverse.”
2. “You looked a little testy to me and I wanted to poke the bear”
3. “I just put a deposit down on a new lexus and I wanted to see if those low speed crashworthiness ratings were REALLY accurate”
4. “I thought if you STARTED your day with a little fender bender, your husband was much more likely to get lucky tonight, and he’d thank me

I picked silence. See, I just got off a plane from 4 days in Las Vegas Wenesday night at midnight and I am still officially in “Las Vegas Recovery Mode”. Ok, so here’s what really happened (not that I’m gonna sound ANY less stupid by being honest, but hey, I have to admit, my own idiocy amazes even me sometimes,

So I was running a little late this morning due to the Las Vegas jet lag, hang over, time change, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” thing when I got to stsrbucks for my Zumba coffee. Was sitting in line when I looked at the clock and saw it was 8:45 and realized the line was long enough, if I waited for coffee, I’d be late for class. At this drive through, which is connected to a “tire King” (I know, don’t ask, I’ve wondered myself if a hazardous chemical factory wasn’t available for them to connect to) there is room for the drive through line, and one “pass thru line” between the cars waiting, and a few diagonal parking spaces for folks to go inside to get coffee or lubed. I was thinking about backing out and leaving when a women pulled up next to me and decided she couldn’t squeeze thru because the 4 feet on either side of her car and the one in front of me and the parked car next to her was not an adequate target zone to squeeze her car. I looked in the rear view mirror and there was no one behind me. Miss “I can’t drive a car down the idle of an airport runway” was still parked next to me. Still no one behind me. I’m mentally writing my blog on southern driving tips for immigrant drivers from elsewhere (those blinker things are like holiday lights, the left lane is for tourism and turning left at your ultimate designation anywhere within 200 miles, etc) when she FINALLY moves. My Italian road rage is in full hung over bloom when I take one more look in the rear view mirror, slam it in reverse and KABLAM!!!!

……So, I get back in the car wondering just how DID I miss that big ASS LUXUS sitting behind me in line when I looked THREE TIMES. so I look again and see my rear window is completely and totally fogged over. Like by brain. So, I actually couldn’t see AVYTHING. OMG. This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Well, ok, portably not. There was Gilbert’s golf clubs and fishing poles. (Please, Gilbert, don’t tell those stories). In fact, I rely on my GOOD friends NOT to tell those stories.

There is an upside to all of this. At 8:45. You have enough time to have a wreck, exchange insurance informations, drivers licenses, take car pictures, and STILL get to Zumba Class on time. (so, I could have gotten my coffee after all) 2. I had her laughing by the time we left. (Pretty good for 10 minutes considering she was a little testy when she got out of the car). 3. After a 4 day bender in Vegas, the detox from yoga class the FIRST day back AND from ZUMBA class the THIRD day back gives you a rebuzz. Dale says this is called “tequila sweat” in the industry. I have not seen this benefit of exercising while hungover anywhere, and I can confirm it is a unique and mellow high that the exercise community should promote with more enthusiasm. So, if you’re finding your motivation for your exercise regimen waning, try your next class, run, gym workout hungover.

“We all live in a Yellow Submarine”.

Humor Zumba

Saturday Morning Zumba Class, Blues Brothers Style


Some of the best epiphanies often come about almost by accident. Some Saturdays, getting to Zumba at NINE am is just ridiculously early, so I’ve learned to get my Starbucks caffeine on the way THERE. Once I saw one of the other Zumberanians drink Starbucks DURING class instead of water, and I thought, how smart. (I’m still thinking about taking a smoke break during class)

So, I staggered into class this morning, listening to Flo Rida’s new hit, “Can’t believe it” (THAT’S a whole ‘another blog- hey Dale, can we have that as a cortina at tango?) and I still had my sunglasses on when I realized, “Wow, my eyes feel so much better in here”. This dance class room has two walls of windows to let in “natural light”. Who the hell thought that was a good idea in buildings? There is a good reason we lived in caves for 40,000 years. No one wants to wake up to “natural light”. Hell, that’s why we spend a fortune on blinds, curtains, drapes, mini blinds, shades, window coverings, window tint. No one likes to see that shit. Except architects and painters. Not the drunk ones who paint your walls one color. The drunk crazy Van Gogh ones. So, I did the ENTIRE Zumba Class in my prescription Ray ban shades. Awesome.

I also have some pretty exciting news. The scale has finally moved and I’ve lost……..2 pounds. Of course, to make me feel better, I’m counting that as a loss over the last three months, instead of the last 4 years I’ve been working at it. Now, I know that doesn’t sound like much, but if you break it up into ounces, that works out to a loss of 2 oz a week over the last 16 weeks. So, that’s 104 ounces a year or 6.5 pounds. I will reach my goal weight of a loss of 100 pounds in 15.38 years, or on my deathbed. If it were the 4 years I have really been working on it, it would take 24 years, but then I can count on the death decomposition process to really slim me down towards the end of that.

Or….., I’m gonna die the healthiest fat man in America. Woo hoo.

I think I should write a fitness book.