Uber for Dogs?

Imagine my surprise the other day when the following e mail hit my smartphone. 

WOW!   Uber rides for dogs?!?!   AMAZING!  I don’t currently have a dog, but there’s a large number of them in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d ask around.
The first local I saw was a pleasant older Golden Retriever so I stopped and asked her what was up with the Uber for dogs. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it”, she said non chalantly.   “We’ve been flying on our own for years but this?……   We’re actually pretty excited about it. A bunch of us dogs were talking about it around the doggie station after some pretty vigorous sniffing.”
“Really?, I asked.  “What’s the concensus?”   “Well,” she drawled, “the poodles and the bichon frise were excited about more regular trips to the groomer but wanted to know if Uber served wine.”   “No, I don’t think so”, I said.  “At least they never have me”.    “They were particularly excited about finding some nicer salons, though”, she said.
“The terriers were a little miffed about some of Ubers new rider rules, especially no sex in the car and no unwanted contact with drivers. The Weimeraners were concerned about small cars but thought Uber Plus and Premium would work”.
“How do you pay, can ya’ll get credit cards?”   She laughed.  “Most of us don’t, but all of us are much more spoiled than kids.  We have an easier time getting ahold of our owners credit cards than an honors student from college on spring break in Cancun.  In fact, I flew there once for some frisbee beach thing and even as a dog, my card had a higher limit than most of those kids. I did hear a rumor about a Tibetan Mastiff who cost $1.6 million dollars who had their  own Visa Black card, but you know you can’t trust dog gossip.”  
“What do your owners think”, I asked.   “OMG, they are so excited about it.  She got really animated. ” It’s like getting out of chaffeuring your kids but without the cost of insurance and worrying about us killing ourselves driving when texting.  We can now Uber to the dog walking park, to dog friendly restaurants to have brunch with our dog buddies, to the vet, to the groomer, and to doggie day care. (God, I hate that term. What am I, 3 months old?) Mine is hoping for Lyft soon because you can tip on the Lyft app and my owner is kinda pissy about my carrying cash. I kinda understand though cause she thinks I lost $300 once because I didn’t want to admit on my first Uber ride, I ditched the park, went to a casino, lost  $200 on blackjack and got wasted on Mai Tai’s. I was really late getting back cause I had to sober up before she saw me.  The other hundred bucks was to get the driver to overlook a little urination thing in the backseat, but Mai Tais do that to me.  He said it was ok, most of his college kids were worse and three of the college kids bit him.  That’s why he now likes driving dogs better”
“Have any of ya’ll used there service yet?, I wondered out loud.  “What’s the experience been?
“Kinda all over the map”. she said.  A pit bull said he was leaving a doggie stripper park in the North Area, and that UBER App claimed  the closest vehicle was 30 minutes away but he was pretty drunk and you know how people judge pit bulls.  He swears some drivers won’t come get him.  Shame, even though he has a drinking s stripper problem, he’s a teddy bear.  One of my best friends said he put in a ride request, then sent a text to the driver asking where he was, then a second text asking if he was here yet, then a third asking what was taking to long, then a fourth asking what kind of service this was and then said he was banned the next day.  He though they were biased against dachshunds.  I did mention they were kinda ‘yappy’ , but he’s so sensitive about that.  I did hear later he bit the driver”.  
Just then she looked behind me and darted off. I turned around to see a dozen cats with “Cat Rides Matter” posters headed in our direction. I took off too.